Friday, December 09, 2005

NEWS FLASH

ERIC CARTMAN OF SOUTH PARK, COLORADO HAS BEEN NAMED NEW HEAD FOOTBALL COACH AT THE UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO. IN AN UNPRECEDENTED MOVE, "CARTMAN" WILL RECIEVE TEN MILLION, THAT'S RIGHT TEN MILLION DOLLARS PER SEASON TO COACH THE DEFENDING BIG 12 NORTH CHAMPIONS. MR. CARTMAN IS MOST NOTABLY KNOWN FOR HIS UTTERLY DISGUSTING, RACIST, AND IMPETUOUS ROLE ON THE HIT ANIMATED TELEVISION SHOW SOUTH PARK. WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT, MR. CARTMAN SAID "THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A BIG DAY FOR ME AND MY FAM-I-LIE...I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING UP TO BOULDER, MEETING THE TEAM, AND HAVING THEM RESPECT MY AUTHO-RI-TIE." CARTMAN'S CHILDHOOD COMPADRE TURNED YALE LAW GRADUATE AND UBER AGENT KENNY MCCORMICK SAID "EKJBH;KSAJTBHS;KRTJBHRST;KSAERKJBH" (TRANSLATION: "THIS DAY ROCKS....WE'RE SUPER PSYCHED FOR ERIC AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WENT FOR IT. ERIC, STAN(MARSH), KYLE(BRAVLOSKY), AND ME ARE GOING TO VEGAS TO GET LAID."


D.A. PRESS

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home